Stand By My Dream
by Lora Helen
Summary: Duo's world was turned upside down the day he told Heero he loved him. Now he has twelve days left until the love of his life is out of his reach forever. 1x2 Yaoi. 3x4 background pairing as ever
1. Broken Heart

**Stand by My Dream.**

_I'm on fire! My mind is just filled with new story ideas! Dark Nuriko is to thank for this one, her and her Duo filled conversations really inspired me! So many thanks and much love to you!_

_Well, I am going to start writing the next section of this! I have no idea how long its going to be, but I hope you like it!_

_Much love to all!_

_Lora Helen_

_Ps – As for all my fics, Gundam wing is not mine, blah blah blah!_

Italics in story thoughts 

_**Bold italics in this chapter show a memory.**_

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Duo looked over at where Heero was sitting at the table in the small apartment on L1. He hadn't moved much in the last hour, but then, neither had Duo. 

"You're writing to her again, aren't you." The purple eyed mans tone was miserable "You're writing to Relena."

"Hai." Heero stated, not looking up from the letter he was working on.

Duo nodded sadly "Yeah… I guess you would be, wouldn't you. Why though Heero, I don't understand…"

"Because I'm going to marry her." Heeros tone was flat, and Duo winced "You can't pretend that it's not going to happen Duo."

His voice was a dry monotone, Duo sighed "Heero… Why?"

"Hn."

Duo clenched his teeth. He hated it when Heero clammed up suddenly. _Bastard!_ His mind screamed _The Day I tell you I love you; you tell me you're marrying Relena._

"Duo." Heeros voice cut through Duos mental rant.

"Yeah Hee-chan?" Duo asked quietly.

"Stop grating your teeth."

_BASTARD!_

Sticking his nose in the air, Duo got up from his seat by the window, and walked out of the living room "I'm getting an early night Heero. Don't disturb me, even if the roof is falling in." _And especially if Relena wants to talk to me about appropriate wedding gifts…_

"Duo." Heeros voice stopped Duo in his tracks once again

"Yeah Heero?" he asked quietly again, he just wanted to get out of the room

"I want you to be my best man."

Duo blinked, a crushing pain erupting in his chest "Sure Buddy… Sure…" he tried desperately to keep the dejection out of his voice.

Duo then carried on his slumped way down the corridor, a sigh slipping though his down turned lips _anything at all for the one you love…_ Duo shook his head; he'd been so sure that Heero would feel the same way… That was why he'd told him.

**_"Heero. I need to tell you something…"_**

"_**Hmm? What is it Duo, I'm Busy."**_

_**He was tinkering with the laptop again, he was always doing that…**_

"_**Well… The thing is… I… I'm in love with you Heero… That's why I've stayed by your side…that's why I left the scrap yard when you came and found me…"**_

_**There was no response from Heero for a while; the two merely stared at one another. It was Heero who broke the silence, and Duo's heart all at the same time.**_

"_**I'm Engaged to Relena. The invitation to our wedding is on the sideboard. I meant to give it to you this morning."**_

_**That said he turned and walk out the front door, leaving a stunned Duo alone.**_

As he closed the door to his room Duo sighed again, and flopped back against it. That was one hell of a painful memory. And now, on top of that, Heero wanted him to be best man… could he be any crueller?

Heero and Relena… It sounded right. It had always sounded right, but then, how come it felt so wrong?

"Why does she always get what she wants?" Duo growled quietly. The memory eating away at him "Why do I never get anything? She's not so different to me. She just… Has money… and status… and… Heero…"

Duo shook his head, trying to clear away the bitter cobwebs that seemed to have clung onto his mind. Who could blame Heero for being swept away by Relenas glitzy world? What did Duo have to offer him after all? Nothing. Nothing that he couldn't get from Relena.

Sighing again, a habit he seemed to have really taken to recently, Duo tugged his shirt off over his head and walked over to his mirror. He frowned at his reflection, his hips swayed when he walked. He'd have to make an effort to stop that.

He ran his eyes over his torso; there were all manner of scars running across the soft pale skin, some larger than others. But his eyes moved past these, and up to his right shoulder.

There were three rows of neat orderly scars there, one row clearly very recent. He frowned; it hurt when he scarred himself, despite all the wounds he'd received during the wars. But it reminded him that he was alive, that his heart was still beating.

He raised a hand and scraped his nails down one of the neat cuts, removing the clot that had formed, and causing it to bleed again.

The red liquid that began to trickle thickly and slowly down his arm, leaving a sick red smear in its wake. He winced. He didn't really like blood if he was totally honest, but it had sort of just become a fact of his life.

Quatre had once caught Duo playing with a knife after he and Heero had had a major falling out, and had gotten incredibly upset, and demanded to see Duo's wrists. Which Duo had of course shown him. Slashing his wrists would be far too common a thing for Shinigami though. Why show your weaknesses that brazenly to others? Why give them the ammunition?

Eyes still fixed on the thin line of blood, Duo sighed, once more, long and low. It made his arm throb every time. But he could still feel… so he had to be alive, which meant that Heero hadn't totally broken his heart into pieces yet.

People, such as Hilde, sometimes asked him why he stayed with Heero, but the answer was so simple, He loved Heero. And you don't say goodbye to the people you love.

He knew Heero would leave soon. Go and stay with Relena. It was only twelve days till their wedding day now. Twelve days. Barely long enough to buy a suit, let alone try and talk Heero out of it. No… he wouldn't do that. He wouldn't stop Heero being happy.

He scratched a second clot away, and a second strip of crimson snaked its way over his shoulder.

"Heero…" His tone was thick, Heero was the only one who could get him like this "I don't understand you Heero. You… You always seemed to want to be near me… you came to find me; you said… you said you wanted me to stay with you… Why are you leaving me now? I'm so confused Heero."

He whimpered quietly and crumpled himself to the floor; his head cradled in his arm, soft, quiet, pain-filled tears running down his cheeks

"I love you so much." He murmured into the carpet "Why, why couldn't you just love me too? I've got next nothing left in my life… and now… and now I'm losing you…"

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_Well, that's chapter one! Do you guys want more? Or shall I leave it as a one shot?_

_Much love!_

_Lora Helen_


	2. How to Help

_Okay! So maybe college life ate me for the last.. 9 months? okay.. maybe 10, I dunno, either way, here I am with a little bit more for you at last! And as my Exams and lessons areall done I might actually be able to get some posts up more regularly! lol_

_Well, here's to hoping anyway! Whee!  
Hope this chapter is enjoyable! Standard disclaimers apply! Plot mine! The characters, sadly not! Ah well!_

It was around one in the morning when Heero finally finished his letter. It always took him hours to compose a fitting letter to Relena. It was not a task he particularly enjoyed. But any mission, even one he had set himself had to be completed, with perfection.

Folding the letter neatly, he tucked it safely away into a brown envelope, and pealed away the layer that protected the gum, and folded the seal down. "Done." He muttered to himself, tucking the letter into his laptop case, he would post it on his way to work the next day.

Running a hand though his hair once, he got to his feet, stretched and made his way across the living room, out into the small hallway, and over to Duos door. Carefully, and silently he opened the door and stepped into the room, closing the door just as silently behind him. He remained still and silent, just on the inside of the door, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness that was Duos room.

Thick black curtains covered the window, and the walls and ceiling had all been painted black as well. Even the carpet was black. It was a very eerie room when no one was home, with all the lights off you could barely see an inch in front of your nose.

Even with Heero's 20/20 and then some vision, it still took him a minute to adjust. When he was finally able to see clearly, he sighed and shook his head… He'd done it again.

Three long strides and he cleared the gap between him and his target. One Duo Maxwell, who was slumped asleep on the floor, by his mirror. And there was blood on his arm again.

Heero frowned. Duo didn't know that Heero came to check on him every night, but it was something Heero had always done. Every time they stayed in a safe house together, every time the slept in the same outside camp, and every night since the end of the wars, he snuck into Duo's room every night, just to make sure all was safe and well.

With great care, Heero leant down and slipped his arms under the crumpled form of the sleeping ex-Gundam pilot, and lifted him up off the floor, cradling him carefully against him. "I'm sorry Duo-Kun…" he murmured, just standing and holding the light form against him for a while, "I know I make you hurt. I know this is entirely my fault. I just want you to stop loving me… I need you to stop loving me, because then I will have no reason to love you Duo, I cant love you. I do, but I cant, why can't you understand that…"

There was desperation in Heeros tone as he laid Duo carefully down on his bed. But of course, the sleeping man would never answer him, because, unless Duo was asleep, Heero found himself totally unable to ask him, or talk to him about anything.

Duo groaned quietly, his head shifting out of the pillow as he rolled his body fully over. There was an obnoxious ray of sunlight that, no matter where he moved just wouldn't allow itself to be moved away from his face. It seemed utterly determined to wake him up, and with a sigh escaping the slightly down turned lips of the ex Deathscythe pilot, it finally succeeded.

"Goddamn Sun." He muttered as he pushed himself up again, his arm was throbbing painfully as he moved, and as usual he regretted his actions the night before, but at the same time he thanked anyone that happened to be listening for the stinging sensation, as it still served as a reminder that he was still there, holding on to life. It was a bittersweet realisation, but a realisation none the less.

With a deep sigh Duo finally hauled himself up out of the bed, groaning quietly again at the aches in his legs and back. Oh well, that's what he got for falling asleep on the… floor… wait a second. He was absolutely certain that he remembered falling asleep on the ground in front of the mirror… how had he gotten to bed in the end… unless.

Would Heero really have moved him? What would he have been doing in his room? Was there actually any chance that Heero would actually have done that for him?

He wasn't so sure.

But that was really beside the point wasn't it? He had things to do today, like having a shower, washing his hair and then getting dressed, all very important and totally necessary things. He also had to work out just what he was going to be doing for the next twelve days… Hire a suit and work out exactly what he was supposed to do as best man.

He felt another pang inside at the memory of what he had agreed to do the day before. He was going to be Heero's best man, and he really needed to know what he was going to have to do, as if he was going to do it, he was going to have to do it right. He couldn't let Heero down, there was just no way he could risk letting him down.

Duo took his time in the bathroom, when he finally left he was fully washed and groomed, and the bathroom itself smelt very strongly of peppermint. It was a rather nice smell in Duo's opinion, fresh and clean, and altogether not a bad thing to smell of really. He made his way back to his room with his black towel tied around his middle, his hair twisted up on his head in a rather unexpected pastel green towel, it was one of those towels that you aren't really convinced you actually bought for yourself, and your roommate insists he didn't buy either… and you cant really be sure if any of your friends who have crashed before would actually confess to owning it either, particularly with the lovely pale pink flower pattern that ran all along one edge of it... But oh well. When you have long wet hair, any big towel will do.

A while, a few minutes surfing the net and a short entry in his diary later Duo was finally out of his room and heading down toward the kitchen, and the phone.

He yawned as he walked, he felt hungry, but he didn't really feel up to eating. He'd not really been eating well recently, just a little bit here and there, as he'd been feeling almost permanently sick; it had been that way since Heero had told him about Relena. It was probably just a reflex, like the one that makes you gag. He'd lost a fair amount of weight thanks to it as well, but his baggy choice of clothes kept it hidden.

Heero was in the kitchen when Duo got in there, and he looked over at the braided man with a raised eyebrow.

"Relena's coming over in about half an hour." He said, and Duo had to restrain the sigh that he felt…  
"Wonderful." He managed to reply… he'd have to wait to call Quatre and Trowa then. Oh well. Sacrifices would just have to be made.

"She said she wanted to talk to you about being the best man or something, something about making sure you knew what you were doing."

Duo shook his head slowly.

"I'm not a dumb-ass Heero. I know what I'm doing. I even made a list alright!" He seemed awfully offended by the fact she thought he didn't know what he was doing.

"I gotta make sure I have the ring, I gotta make you have some lucky charm, I gotta make sure you don't go back to the house after you've left it… not that you'll be coming back here again after you've left it…"  
Heero felt his insides curl up slightly at the look on Duo's face as he said that, He hated what he was putting the American though, he hated the looks of pain on his face… he hated what he knew Duo would be doing after he went to bed tonight, crying and hurting himself. All he wanted to do was take him in his arms, tell him everything was all right and tell him he really loved him. But he couldn't do that, he just had to keep things level, he couldn't go changing the way he behaved, and being with Duo would do just that.

Duo himself had just carried on talking…

"Gotta run your stag do, gotta go to the parties, gotta wear a suit like you're wearing so that… ah it said something about keeping the evil sprits confused… oh, and I gotta help you and… Relena out with anything you need before the big day, you name it... I'll help you out with it." He looked up at Heero, his eyes oh so sad, he couldn't help it, and he couldn't keep the pain out of them. It was just how he felt.

"But no sweat." He added, "I'll play nice." With that he turned again, and decided that he'd just go wait in his room until Relena got there. Being around Heero was just too painful.

Heero watched as Duo left again, walking steadily back down the hallway and he fixed his eyes on the floor. Why did he have to feel so guilty? He'd never felt like that before, and it just affirmed his point that he and Duo… well, Duo was just able to change the way he was so… drastically that he really couldn't let that happen. He wasn't used to this new life, this quiet life where things were easy, and he couldn't risk getting so used to things, letting his guard down and then having things fall down around his ankles because he wasn't prepared. No. He just couldn't. And keeping Relena around him would help to keep all the walls up fairly easily.

"And that's what I need you to do for me Duo!" Relena trilled happily as Duo sat opposite her at the small kitchen table, looking absolutely, well, dazed.

Relena had just informed him that with a grand total of eleven more days to go until the wedding she hadn't managed to get more than half of the necessary invites out, or even written, and desperately needed his help in doing so as quickly as possible.

They also needed his help in two days time, for three days in a row to work as a waiter at the three wedding parties they were having, and as the requirements of being the best man only meant that he had to be at the party, and working there would work just as well!

She also requested that he pop across town to book them a car, oh, and while he was there could he please pick up Heero's suit and her dress, but make sure not to let Heero see the dress!  
Duo nodded mutely, yeah… he'd seen this coming, and she'd waited until Heero had gone out to pick up the cake until she started asking him for things, and she knew that he wouldn't ask Heero about it either.

"Sure Relena. I'll get it done for you." He sighed, Relena smiled.

"Oh and Duo?" He looked up and raised an eyebrow.

"Could you help us out with the Table plan as well, I think Heero's handling that so I'm sure he wont mind you helping him out a little… being his… best friend and all, and the best man."

At that point Heero came back home, and Relena was up from the table like a shot, and attaching herself to Heero again. Duo found himself leaving the kitchen and heading for the sanctuary of his room. He needed a break; this was more than he could bear, he did however make a point of snagging the cordless phone off of the hook in the kitchen and taking it with him, at least he could call the others.

He really needed to talk to them right now, or he might do something he'd really regret.

Three hours later Duo heard a quiet knock on his door. He'd called Quatre, and thusly Trowa as well seeing as the two had proved to be more than inseparable and he'd told the small blonde everything, literally everything. And Quatre had of course been mortified and had vowed that he had Trowa would come and visit as soon as they could, and promised they'd try to think of something that could be done to help him out. A later call with Wufei had produced similar results, along with a copious use of the word 'injustice'.

He did however sigh, and call out a "Come in," at the knock on his door, lounging out on his bed. Heero opened the door a moment or two later, and it sung open with a low creak, Duo really needed to remember to put some oil on the hinges at some point.

He sat up at the sight of his friend however and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Ne Heero? What can I do for you?" he asked quietly, looking up at the Japanese man slightly. It was so hard to just see him like this all the time.

Heero smiled slightly  
"Thanks for today." He said quietly.

"I know… you wont every get along with Relena but, thank you for trying…"

Duo just sighed.

"Its nothing Heero. Its really nothing at all." He looked down at the floor to the side of his bed,

"I mean, you are my best friend after all, so its to be expected that we ask each other favours now and again." He smiled, waving a hand at Heero, trying to keep a happy smile on his face.

"I'm just gonna get some sleep now I think, talking to Quat tired me out." He grinned at tossed the phone at Heero.  
"Shut the light off for me Hee-Chan…" He rolled over and half smothered his face in the pillow, trying to hide the face he was about twelve seconds away from tears..  
"Night…" He croaked.

Heero shook his head

"Night Duo." He mumbled, he wasn't entirely sure what he had gone in to do really, just to see Duo he guessed. This wasn't exactly easy on him either, but he knew his own problems were not a patch on Duo's.

With a flick of his hand he turned the light and stepped out of the room, easily able to hear the muffled sobs through the door.

"Shit." He muttered as he walked away. This was a horrible mess.

_Rawr! I Hope you all enjoyed that!_

_Reviews are obviously loved muchly! So please clicky the button if you have a minute _


	3. Realisation

_Okay wow, so it's been what? A year and a half ish since I touched this fic at all, and here I am at half four in the morning totally inspired and deciding to carry on writing it, again…. I will make more of an effort to actually go on with it this time, I'm currently at least a little work free as far as University goes, so that lets me hold out some hope! Anyway! I hope you guys enjoy this newest chapter, if you're even still reading this, it finally gives a proper insight into the slightly strange reasoning of Heero Yuy. _

_Generic disclaimer here please! 3_

As Duo slept, and Heero sat alone in the small kitchen area he was given time to reflect on the situation he had gotten himself into, and how absolutely blindingly stupid it was. How on earth had he manned to make such a massive mess of his life? It really didn't make any sense if he was totally honest, the course of action he had taken and it was at times like this, sitting alone in his darkened kitchen with the very faint sobs of his flatmate just about audible that he was forced to admit, that as far as Duo went he really had been the worlds biggest jerk. Correction, he was still being as big a jerk as ever before, and it was horrible… he just couldn't seem to stop himself now!

It was bad enough for one thing that one the day Duo had gotten up the nerve to admit to something he was obviously struggling with, feelings for his seemingly cold and heartless friend, Heero had responded as flatly as was possible that he was engaged to someone else, someone that he definitely didn't love, and someone that on no level was ever likely to make him happy. The joyous occasion was a horrible lie in its tacky lacy entirety.

With a grim expression on his face Heero let his forehead drop down onto the kitchen table as he squeezed his eyes closed. He was entirely to blame for all of this… and no excuse he could come up with would ever absolve him of the fact that he was hurting someone dearer to him than he could have imagined, he'd never thought of himself as the genuinely caring type, it wasn't really fitting in with the bravado that had been his main face during the wars, so it was rather strange noting that it had obviously been there anyway, just lurking somewhere under all his emotional armour waiting for the day when the smallest little break in it would allow it to reach out and curl onto something, onto someone… and that someone was the one person that Heero Yuy was currently in the process of putting through the worst kind of emotional torture possible… unrequited love; and Duo Maxwell definitely didn't deserve that one, not at all.

No matter how many times he tried to tell himself it was all for the best, that Duo would change him, that it could compromise his existence in the future he knew that was really just a huge pile of shit, he knew he was just making excuses to try and make his stupid petty fear driven behaviour that little bit more acceptable, and the worst part was that even he was having trouble believing that his excuses were worth the time it took to listen to them, so there was really very little chance that anyone else could understand them.

The facts were this. During the wars he and Duo had spent a rather large amount of time together and had really gotten to know each other pretty well in the long run, and there was denying that such awful feelings of stress pressure and despair, the feelings that during those troubled times they were forced, at a younger age that was really sensible to feel almost every day had cause them to rely a lot on one another, even if for some of them the reliance was not a tangible thing. Heero knew he'd been there for Duo, that Duo had cared, they'd been buddies, partners, and that was enough, that was one wholesome thing in a world of horrific torture, violence and death. Such a wonderful gift to help him through the hellish existence they all clung to, how could he not feel something for the long haired man? How could he not have come to care for him… to love him even?

That though, that right there, that… love… was where things became complicated, especially when you were pretty sure you weren't gay, or even bi, but sudden feelings made you reconsider this notion quite sharply.

Heero didn't actually want to admit he needed someone, wanting them was fine, it was when it actually caused a problem for you not to be with them that he had issues with it. He was self reliant, totally independent and entirely unwilling to shard himself and his control with anyone. So it was naturally really awful for him he day he realised he was in love with someone else… it had been easy before, living with Duo, just getting to mess around with his friend, watch bad movies, eat pizza, insist on dragging him to the gym to work the pizza off after they'd eaten it, it had been great, but that little wriggly ball of love that was cooped up inside him finally found the gap it had been looking for a broke free from Heero's emotional defences. Heero consequently found himself forced to accept the fact that whether he wanted it or not his heart was working him to care for someone and not out of pure self interest, no… not at all, in fact with Duo's lifestyle taken fully into consideration it was probably quite the opposite. Obviously nothing could be allowed to come of it, nor would it be likely to Heero had rationalised to himself, he had never really been pleasant to Duo, okay so he'd saved him a couple of times, but he'd also insulted him quote thoroughly at the same time, so he didn't feel that it was too likely that Duo would feel any need to feel fondly towards him, and with his upbringing it also seemed unlikely that Duo liked other guys, so he was safe really right?

Wrong.

The affection he felt for Duo had persisted for quite some time, niggling at him in the most irritating way, refusing to leave him a lone, and a few times he'd even caught himself watching the violet eyed young man working away at some menial task with great interest, and there had even been the awful time when Duo had wandered out of the bathroom and promptly dropped his towel having fallen over one of his own trainers… that one had taken some covering up… loose trousers tended to make an awkward tent like protrusion when one was aroused, so the lap cushion technique had had to be implemented. It was all honestly getting too much for him, but the way he felt, and his own stubbornness wouldn't let him simply take the sensible way out and tell Duo that there was a problem and that he'd probably be thinking about finding his own place that the just needed some more space, or something along those lines that while still unkind would have at least caused the other man less suffering that the path he had currently taken, but no… that wasn't Heero's style. While he was an exceptional individual in almost every sense, smart, strong, amazing in the reflex department, there was one area where Heero would be constantly found wanting… he absolutely, completely, totally and utterly failed at finding any level what so ever of social finesse.

Thus it had seemed to him that the best way out of this situation and at the time he'd thought it would cause Duo the least pain, which would have been logical had Duo not had the slight complication of loving him back of course, was to settle down elsewhere with someone else. It filled all the criteria. It got him out of the flat, it meant that he would never be able to act on his silly infatuation with his best friend and it was pretty much a binding deal, and to cap it all off he had the perfect candidate as well, Relena Peacecraft, it would be ease enough to tell everyone that he had always loved the foolish woman, he'd just have to damn himself to spending the rest of his life listening to her inane prattle. The only problem was that whenever he tried to picture himself spending the rest of his life with her it seemed all wrong, and there was that little voice in the back of his mind, which he had to admit sounded oddly like Quatre, telling him that marrying Relena would be the single biggest mistake he could make and that he'd lose far more than his problematic infatuation, and in fact, it was entirely probable that said infatuation would only worse, as they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. At one point, he had actually started to wonder if maybe it wasn't easier just to call off the whole foolish engagement, he'd been keeping it quiet for as long as possible anyway, to allow him time to think… and it was his last chance really as the first round of invitations had just gone out… Duo had still failed to show any feelings for him really, no matter how secretly, really really secretly he might wish he would… and so it really beginning to dawn on him how stupid his idea was, how much of a waste of his perfectly good life marrying someone who irritated him to such a degree was when Duo had made him literally panic. Not outwardly of course, but inwardly…

Duo had told him he loved him. And that single action had been everything Heero had wanted to hear, and feared in the same moment. In that one sentence Duo had literally broken through all of Heero's defences leaving him longing, open and desperately wanting to do and say things he'd never thought himself of saying, in that moment Heero had realised how much he really did need Duo, the temptation to drop his plans, the ray of light it had seemed to shine on his day had just terrified him and he'd sealed his own fate, cruelly divulging his plans to Relena without a single outward show of remorse. Heartless, that's what it had been, and that's what everyone would now think he was.

Sadly though that wasn't where his cruelty had ended, as the icing to the already deplorable mess he seemed to be making of his life, Heero had pushed Duo one step further, who else would their friends expect him to ask to be best man? No one, so once again, totally thoughtlessly he'd presented Duo with that option, thinking at the time it might actually be a way of bridging the gap he was sure this was going to drive between them, and how could it not really? But realising afterwards that once again his total lack of social know how had shone through like a blinding beacon and given Duo a real stinger of a slap to the face, way to go Yuy, kick them while they're down.

"Stupid…" Heero muttered, lifting his head a little and dropping it back to the wooden surface of the table with a dull thud,

"Yuy… there are no words…" he knew talking to himself was crazy, but he figured that he was the only person who had had a hope in hell of understanding him, and as even he didn't really see his own logic any more there was little point in trying it out on anyone else. As far as it went, from where he was standing it was a totally stupid situation to have gone stumbling into and one that was likely to now prove almost impossible to get back out of. He'd almost certainly broken Duo's heart, causing him to hurt in way's that Heero had never even thought possible, it had never crossed his mind that Duo would hurt himself like he was and naturally it was entirely his, Heero's own fault that it was happening. Short of a miracle though, and calling this insanely pointless wedding off, and then hoping against logic, reason and hope that Dou would take his sorry excuse for a self back, there was nothing he could do, and that chance… well… it was anything but likely. No… if he was honest Heero deserved the discomfort of his unwanted marriage, he'd made his bed of his own volition and stupidity, and now, he reasoned getting up with the intention of going to sleep on the couch tonight, he was going to have to finally give in and sleep in it. The tears from his best friends' room had finally quieted, Duo was asleep as well and Heero could finally rest. There was no relaxing for the ex Wing pilot while Duo cried, he just couldn't seem to keep his eyes closed while the tears, hurt and pain of the guy he was, if he was honest more than a little taken with filled his senses… it was only when the night was quiet again and Duo was lost to dreams that Heero could only hope gave him some release from this new hell he was living while he slept.

_And if you're reading this, you're done! Thanks so much for your time! I really hope you enjoyed this! If you could just leave a review to let me know if I did okay with this I'd appreciate it so much as once again I'm more than a little rusty! _

_Much love guys!_

_Lora_


	4. Exhaustion

**Chapter Four.**

**Exhaustion.**

_Okay! So I finally did come back and write some more! 3 I won't bore you all with extencive author notes here 3 Just my usual disclaimer, charries not mine 3 Of course._

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Morning was never a pleasant sensation for the long hared man curled on his bed and buried for the most part under a very large pile of duvet cover. That was what you got when you tried to use a king-size cover on a normal size bed, but he liked it, the more covers he had, the more he could hide under and the darker he could make his room. Forcing his eyes open though, he could tell it was light outside of his cocoon of bed, there was an odd glow around the top of his bed where the cover had evidently lifted up over the pillow and he scowled at it, why did sleep have to feel like it was over so quickly…? There was no need to cry when you were asleep, as long as your dreams chose to be nice to you at any rate, so why did it have to end as easily as it seemed to? He didn't have to move right away anyway, it wasn't as if he had much… oh wait, he did. The list that Relena had given him to work his way through was fairly extensive and unless he was very much mistaken he had ten days now until their wedding to get everything sorted out… talk about last minute really? Who left it until almost the final week to actually invite people? He sighed, curling up a little more, his arms finding and looping around his knees in the comfortable darkness of the bed.

It would be so easy for him to sabotage them, as he was responsible now for sending the invitations he could 'forget' to send some, lose others… but that wasn't his style sadly… that would have meant lying when he was asked if he'd done what he had been asked to do and he couldn't really do that. He knew that taking the job of best man was something of a lie in itself… he was supposed to be happy for Heero, helping him make sure the marriage went well, when really all he wanted to do was yell and rant and scream about how wrong it was, how unfair that the one person he could actually see fit to love would screw him over as royally as he had done… so yeah, really cheerful thoughts to wake up to today, and Duo had a feeling that they weren't going to get any better in the long run. And even the delightful thoughts of sabotaging the blasted wedding didn't help him in the slightest. It was Heero's wedding, and despite the horrid way he'd been treated, the misery he was being put through Duo was still above paying Heero back by wrecking his and Relena's wedding day. In fairness… there was also the obnoxious little factor that Duo still couldn't seem to convince his heart it wanted to come back from Heero anyway, he still loved the cold heartless son-of-a-bitch who was so successfully making him wish that he was dead… when he really thought about it he couldn't see why he loved him… but as far as it went he did.

Those just weren't the sort of thoughts he appreciated really, they weren't at all the kind he wanted to find dancing through his head… I mean… Duo Maxwell just wasn't an emo enough name for that sort of thing.

After a few more minutes of lying motionless, half smothered by his duvet, Duo couldn't really condone his inactivity any longer. He liked his bed, yes, it was true, but at the same time laying there for hour upon hour had that horrible way of making him over think everything, which was just messy at the moment, and not at all a good idea. It gave way to thoughts of tighter than they should have been trousers and an odd desire to go out and buy something in hot pink, okay… so maybe he was mocking himself a little really, but it didn't mean it was a series of healthy thoughts anyway.

With an irritated noise and series of wild flailing motions of his arms and legs Duo was able to fight his way out from his bedding which had obviously really thought he should stay in bed as much as he had done, as the duvet had really not wanted to let him go.

By the time he had fallen off of his bed for the second time having discovered that one of his feet had somehow joined the duvet inside the cover he was definitely in less than a sunshine mood, but decided that a shower would probably be all it would take to actually sort him out again, it usually cheered him up at least a little, the torrent of hot water, the coconut smell of his shampoo and body wash combo stuff, it was just a pleasant way to start the day, or, in this case, a pleasant way to recover from an attack of the possessive bedding.

Washed clean and feeling a little more human he was soon mooching back towards his bedroom again. He always took his time over his showers; they were the only thing that he really got a lot of pleasure from most of the time. There was food as well of course, food was good, and luckily for him he had never really lost the ability to east as much junk as he liked and stay more or less the same weight. Quatre worried at him about it of course, he should see a doctor, yeah, probably, but he seemed to be doing okay, and all the while things seemed fine he'd leave them as they were, if he got sick he'd do something about it then. Prevention was better than a cure? Foo. Prevention was for sissies. Breakfast was a fairly unexciting event that morning, two pop tarts, a glass of OJ, followed by an apple as he was still slightly hungry finally left him feeling like himself, well, himself with the current addition of a dead weight in the pit of his stomach every time he thought of the list of tasks he'd been given for the day and the reason he was actually supposed to be doing them… ugh. Being the best man was really not all it was cracked up to bed. Hell no.

If he wanted to keep his promise though, he now had little choice in the matter. He had told Heero he'd be his best man, even if he did think Heero was tacky and mean spirited for asking him to do it in the first place, and he wasn't going to go back his word. The whole… not lying thing could be a real bitch sometimes. That was why a few minutes after tossing the apple core negligently into the bin he mooched down the stairs, retying the end of his now rather damp braid as he went and found his was into the drivers seat of his slightly beat up car. He'd bought it cheap a while back and constantly meant to get around to fixing it up, he'd have enjoying doing it but his amazing ability to always find something else to do by way of occupying his time kept getting in the way of actually knuckling down and getting the job done and dusted. It still drove, the doors opened and the seatbelts worked as far as he knew, that was good enough for him. That and he was really looking forward to seeing the look on Relena's face when he drove her dear darling delightful fiancé to the church in it. Fairy tale wedding? Heck yes.

The list of errands could honestly have been worse, there were lots of them, sure, and the traffic was always going to be hell on earth when you needed to get anywhere, but hell on earth was something that Duo was at least pretty well acquainted with, and though the wouldn't quite liken sitting in a queue of traffic for an hour and a half to blowing up mobile dolls in the airless vacuum of space, it was still pretty damn frying. Training however had prepared him for this, and a collection of Thin Lizzy and Metalica CD's helped the time pass with surprising rapidity once he managed to get the ancient air conditioning unit to work for him at any rate.

A couple of hours later the car for the wedding was all booked and paid for. Relena's dress, in perfect condition despite the temptation Duo had suffered to drop it and kick it around in the first puddle he could find, or make was flopped on the back seat of his car along with Heero's suit, and Duo's matching one. He'd stopped for some lunch at a small café, and had taken Relena's not even remotely finished list of invites with him, writing had never been his favourite thing but he wasn't going to complain. Heero would have been annoyed at Relena for the list of things she'd left to be done by the best man, Duo was sure of that but he wasn't going to make any trouble. At least not right now… his views on that one differed as much as his emotions did. One moment he was feeling so sorry for himself he could almost burst into tears on the spot, he never did of course, but the feelings were there, and other times he was just angry. Now and then it washed over him and he could ignore the strange situation that seemed to be going on around him, and that was how he was feeling today it seemed. Sadly though he could never tell from one hour or day to the next how he was going to be feeling a little later on. His moods had always been fickle and this was certainly no exception. Regardless of mood however he could see however that he was going to have a very long day ahead of him, the pile of written invites was growing steadily bigger and Duo had a feeling that Relena had planned for him to hand them out himself, after he'd dropped her dress off for her of course... as far as he could see it he was just lucky that these ones were mostly destined to people inside the city or at least no more than a half hour or so drive out of it. If she though the was going to go flying all over the colonies for her she had another thing coming, best man or no best man Duo Maxwell was no ones lackey.

He couldn't shake the suspicion that all of the tasks she had left for him to do were some how meant to be a dig in the ribs, a way of gloating… and as for playing busboy at her wedding do's? That was just a blatant statement. 'Look Duo. Look how much better than you I am.'

He really wasn't looking forward to those parties; no indeed.

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By the time the sun had sunk below the skyline that evening Heero was actually a little worried about his flatmate. That was a feeling that he was finding himself suffering from more and more recently as the wedding day arrived.

Worry.

He wasn't used to worrying about Duo, but then again Duo didn't always seem to be too adept at taking care of himself some of the time, and whether he wanted to do it or not Heero found himself looking out for the other young man in his own way… so admittedly breaking his heart and throwing his feeling back in his face had been a step back into old ways again… but he was trying…? Right…?

He'd cooked dinner that night, nothing extravagant, just a pasta Bolognese, it was easy and he knew Duo liked it, but the other young man hadn't come home yet… He'd vanished earlier that morning, Heero had been out himself, there had been a rehearsal he'd had to go to, pointless as far as he was concerned, he knew what he had to do, but Relena had insisted, and when he'd come home he'd found the house empty.

Usually Heero would just have grunted, brushed it off and eaten without Duo, but with the way things were at the moment whatever was keeping the other away from home was almost definitely at least mostly Heero's own doing, and he couldn't just wave that aside like it was nothing, so he waited, and he waited and he waited some more.

He'd settled himself down in the living room to watch the TV for a few while he waited when he'd finally heard the door go, there was a pause before it shut, and the footsteps that moved down the corridor were not the usual bouncing ones that would hop into the front room to greet him and receive little in the way of a response usually. Quickly Heero got up to his feet, wanting to at least make sure Duo was alright, and found himself tugging the door open just as Duo's hand reached down to catch the handle to do the same thing.

Duo looked exhausted.

His eyes were noticeably tired, he wasn't smiling and the hand that had reached out for the door was shaking slightly.

"Hey, Heero…" He stated, his voice sounding as tired as he looked.

"Got busy, you cooked…?" He'd not expected Heero to cook for him honestly.

Heero nodded however, still looking worriedly at his… well, at his friend, he'd only ever seen Duo this shattered once, and he'd had to drag him out of confinement that time…he watched Duo for a moment as the slightly smaller man shifted his attention towards the kitchen very briefly, before changing his mind and bracing his hand against the door frame. It became clear at that point that he was only really keeping his feet through sheer force of fading will, but it gave Heero the warning he needed, enough of a warning to reach forward and pull the other ex pilot against him as Duo's knees simply gave out from under him.

"Idiot…" Heero muttered quietly, leaning slightly to hook an arm under the other young man's legs to lift him up a little more.

"What the hell have you been doing all day…?" Duo however didn't answer, he'd be disgusted with himself for it later, but for the moment he was lost to a dead, exhausted faint.

Food would have to wait for the moment it was clear, as the rest would probably do Duo enough good to at least allow him to eat something when he came around, so for the time being Heero simply carried his friends passed out form across the small front room and over to the sofa where he flopped himself down, his arms still around the slightly more slender frame to make sure that he knew as soon as Duo started waking up…

This was evidently related to the wedding… ergo it was his fault.

He wasn't going to inflict any more pain on Duo than he had to… and right now, staying with him seemed to be the best option.

**End Ch4.**

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_Okay! So that was chapter four! Sorry for the long wait again, I did have at least the first half of this written for the past month and a half, but it just kept getting put off, but not for 18months at least! D_

_I'm improving!_

_I hope this chapter was okay, I think I might have rushed through things a little, but I wanted to get on with the story just a tiny bit and break away from my liking for inner monologues…. They're fun, but you can have too many of them I think!_

_Thank you so much for all your lovely reviews! They make me so happy and reading them really does inspire me to write! 333_

_I hope to hear from some of you again!_

_All the best!_

_Lora_


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